Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize