OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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