i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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