hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I AM VODKA MAN
My dick has a subreddit
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
