No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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