So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
