apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
