He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
