ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
