First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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