Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
