so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
