So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
