he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
