i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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