bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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