you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
