girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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