people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
