Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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