: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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