Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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