Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
