apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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