Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize