i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
