Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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