i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My dick has a subreddit
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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