Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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