ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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