her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
