She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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