i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
