Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
