I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
