hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
