before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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