Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
