I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
