At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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