Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
