Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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