He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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