It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
