I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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