Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
