Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
