Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
