My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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