Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
