I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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