"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.