I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There's even glitter on my cock...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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