dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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