We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
