did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize