You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
