I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
