p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i now understand why vodka
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
