C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
