shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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